April

Hello April.

Hello Spring.

Hello newness and growth and sprinkles intermingled with the sunshine.

Hello Easter. Celebration.

Hello Resurrection.

When I think of April and what the month entails, I always think of newness. Growth. Coming to life. Jesus and the resurrection and the promise realized.

April is the month my first born came in to this world, sixteen years ago. As a squishy newborn, me a brand new mommy at twenty-four years of age. I remember feeling exhausted from two hours of pushing and nervous. How was I, still feeling like a child myself, going to raise this sweet baby girl in my arms.

Brand new. Choosing to grow into being a young mama. Developing a relationship with my little girl. Nurturing her. Learning how she communicated her needs to me, her cries, her laughter.

The cuddles she and I shared. I miss all those nights she slept on my chest….even when she soaked through her diaper and I woke up completely wet. I miss those nights.

The fear of the unknown and caring for a baby with little knowledge and doing a lot of it by myself. Embracing the new. The scary. The uncertain.

Beautiful.

For those closest to me, this month signifies loss. They are having to walk through change and grow through the heartache. Missing someone they love. How do you move on and embrace the beautiful when your heart misses someone?

I wish I had a step by step guide for them. All I can say is that even with loss and disappointment, there is still the opportunity for us to radiate growth and joy. We can either choose to move forward and, while this is an oft used cliche, grow through what we go through…or we can whine, complain, resort to whataboutism and just stay in the same spot.

Growth and choosing to live joyously regardless of what is happening around us does not mean that everything will be fixed.

Our loved ones may still leave us.

We may still end up divorced (that is my story).

People will still disappoint.

You will still fall short every so often.

Life will still happen around us and to have. We can’t stop it, even with the best of attitudes.

But we can choose for ourselves how we decide to live out each day. We can choose to embrace the new and radiate from the inside out what God is teaching us and having us grow through. I remind myself daily that God really does see, care, and can do all that He says He can do.

And if He does not, then I trust His plan. I trust that He has better in mind. I trust that He knows.

I trust and I believe that He does in fact love me.

I trust and I believe that He does in fact love each of you.

It was brought my attention that I still have some healing to do. Sometimes, it is easier to not deal with certain parts of my story. They are painful. I just want to move past it and just not talk about it. Obviously, I have shared some of my story.

But I have kept a lot of it close to my chest. You could say I have been guarding it pretty closely.

So naturally, I have some work to do.

Hearing the truth from those you love isn’t easy. Truth can be painful revelations at times. It requires us to really take a good look at ourselves, set our pride aside and hear what the other person is saying and seeing and feeling and do some internal inventory.

Those on the outside can sometimes see what we cannot.

That’s life. That is friendship. That is love.

So this month, for me especially will be the month where I embrace growth and joy and continue to walk toward healing as my life is going in a direction of extra goodness and happiness and opportunity.

I am here for all that life has to offer. I am here for all that God has to offer and what He has to teach me.

Cheers to April.

Tiffany Rhea