Sorrow Is Heavy

I have sat with so many of my emotions since I watched the video of George Floyd and his death by a police officer. By four police officers, to be exact.

I have sat with the sadness and sorrow and the feelings of needing to fight against injustice and evil. It should come as no surprise to any of us that we live in a country that still inhabits broken and sinful people. Sin is real. Evil is real. It is vital as Christians that we speak out against it.

I have wrestled, typed, deleted, re-typed several statements that I have wanted to put out there for you all to read because I want to say something. I want to do something. Injustice and murder and cruelty and pain....they do something in me. I can't explain it. Those of us who literally carry the weight of injustice and sorrow in our heart also experience pain in their bodies. You know what I am talking about. It just hurts and frustrates me so.

It is heavy. It is painful. I am probably saying all of this wrong. Someone is going to be offended. It is what it is.

I know what I want to say, but I also know that what I want to say will make both sides angry. Both sides. As if the white man and the black man are enemies. No.

Black people are not the enemy. White people are not the enemy. Cops are not the enemy. I know who the enemy is today. I have known who the enemy is since I became a Christian. That enemy is having a field day with all of the hate, poison, destruction, violence, racism, That enemy loves division. Boy, is it real today. It has been real for awhile, but the division is clear as day, today.

And I hate that. I hate it.

Because I hate it, I am going to the only place I know to go and that is God's word. Because I believe it does something good to each of us. I believe it transforms us in ways politicians and governments simply cannot.

I had been sitting in silence on social media trying to learn from other voices. More specifically, I am have been listening and watching black voices (both liberal and conservative) to hear their thoughts and understand their feelings. the Bible tells us in the book of James:

"My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God's righteousness. Therefore, ridding yourselves of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent, humbly receive the implanted word, which is able to save your souls." James 1:19-21 CSB

So even in my anger, and I am angry and I want justice, I have been trying to listen. To be completely honest with you, and this will upset many of my friends, I find most of the white voices out there who are projecting their white privilege and how they are going to use their white privileged voice for good.....I find most of them to be pretentious. I find most of them to be sharing their posts because they are more afraid to be called a racist than to really stand up for injustice or love the black community. I hope I am wrong. I really do. But most of their comments and posts just ring extremely hollow for me and the virtue signaling is over the top. I hate it. I know that there are those who really want to learn and understand and study. Good. But I am not really seeking to understand from another white person who virtue signals from their safe space.

So I have chosen instead, at least until today, to listen. To hear. To try and understand. I ask questions. I share their posts, the ones I believe will be helpful to those that follow me. I have been listening and watching both the liberal and conservative black voices. Just trying to really see.

One side tried the peaceful route and felt like it was getting them nowhere. George Floyd still died. He should not have. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE! So they are angry. They are demanding that they are heard. They want justice for him.

The other side is begging that cease the violence because it does not honor the memory of George Floyd and who he was. They are angry. They are angry that an innocent black man died and they want peaceful protests and they want justice for him.

I feel so overwhelmed with what to do and how to help and how to fight against evil. Because make no mistake:

Racism is evil. Evil is Evil. Hate is Evil. Murder is Evil. I am mad about the death of George Floyd.

The enemy is the Enemy. His name is Satan. Human depravity is the problem. We all have evil in our hearts and this. This bullshit we see right now? It is human depravity and it starts with us. In our own homes. All of us. Every one of us. The second Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden, every one of us was born with evil in our hearts. As Alisa Keeton (owner of Revelation Wellness) stated: We need to be on our knees in prayer. We need to ask Jesus to love the hell out of us. We need more love. More compassion. More understanding. More presence.

You want to know where real unity will come from? It will only come from Jesus. I know that many will read this and they will state that I am just trying to minimize racism and how the black communities are feeling. I really am not. I just have to constantly remind myself, as one who feels the physical effects of wanting justice served swiftly and promptly, that unity and justice belongs to the Lord. He created it. It is His alone.

"But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He is our peace, who made both groups one and tore down the dividing wall of hostility." -Ephesians 2:13-14 CSB

"Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the devil an opportunity." Ephesians 4:25-27 CSB.

Anger is not the sin. Our actions in our anger will cause us to sin. It will give the devil an opportunity to divide us. To hurt us. To further his cause to destroy the Kingdom of God. We cannot allow it. We must remember that:

"Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; faithful love and truth go before you." Psalms 89:14 CSB

Justice and Righteousness are the foundation of God's throne. No matter what kind of justice and righteousness we could possibly drum up in our finite minds, God's justice and righteousness is greater than ours. It doesn't mean we don't speak out against evil. Please, do it. Speak out. Evil is Evil. We cannot allow it. March in the streets as we shout proclamations of love, reminding one another that evil has no place here. Racism has no place here. Division has no place here. Evil will not win here.

Hate and violence and destruction cannot bring reconciliation and hope and love. It will not build the bridge we think it will build. It will only bring more pain, more hate, more distraction and less understanding. Violence begets violence. Hate begets hate.

But I do see the peaceful protests. The mourning of a man who died senselessly. I see the hugs and the tears between one another. I know it isn't as sexy or as attention grabbing as a burning building. But I see it. I know you do too.

For my black friends: I see you. I love you. I am here for you. I want justice and freedom for you. I stand with you. I am so sorry.

In Him,

Tiffany Rhea